I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Two words: blizzard sex
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
