Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
