At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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