Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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