I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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