I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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