hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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