you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
