Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I need to align my fucking chakras
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
