whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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