3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
