Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
