Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
