Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
