you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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