i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
