Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
