I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
