Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
