i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
