I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
