she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
