i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
