i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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