He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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