yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
