I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
