Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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