I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
