she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im holly from the hills drunk
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
