Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
