Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
