but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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