I think I am morally bankrupt
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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