im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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