not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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