? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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