Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
