Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
