Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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