Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
