and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
