come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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