We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
