Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
