Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
