I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
