i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
