You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
