Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
